5 Things I Would Take With Me if I were Stranded on a Deserted Island

Okay. Here’s the situation: For some unknown/unexplainable reason, you are being relocated to a deserted island and you are allowed 5 items. They can be anything (except a boat, you little smartass). Here is what I would bring:

1)Funyuns

This tasty synthetic onion flavored ring snack is probably the best thing to ever happen to me. I don’t remember when I discovered Funyuns when Funyuns discovered me, but ever since I can remember, I have had a strong love for them. My ability to survive on a deserted island increases tenfold with the inclusion of Funyuns. If you haven’t heard of/tasted funyuns, don’t talk to me until you do. You haven’t lived yet. Each Funyun is like a tiny  little halo stolen from an angel, if that halo were onion flavored.

2) My iPod Video

As cliche as it is, I would take my iPod with me. Music is a huge part of my life. I am always listening to it. I can’t imagine life without music. It would suck when it ran out of batteries (which would be after like 3 hours with my iPod). For the sake of this not being a stupid thing to bring, let’s just pretend that it has infinite battery power… and the ability to download new music… and movies… Oh and it would have to have an anti-scratch finish on it because everyone knows how shitty those things get when introduced to sand.

3) Hacky Sack

Hacky sacks are the perfect fun, time-wasting activity. After a while on a deserted island, I’d imagine I would get some mad skills at hacky sack. If I ever got off, I could probably walk down the sidewalk while hacky-sacking. People would pass me and go, “Hey. Look at that guy. He is really good at that. He must not have a life.” And then I would have to tell them that I was on a deserted island. Then they would call me stupid for bringing a hacky sack out of any possible item to the island instead of like a satelite phone or a tent.

4) Jason Statham

I’m not gay. Now that we have that cleared up… First off, how safe would you feel if you knew Jason Statham had your back? Like really? Also, I am pretty sure Mr. Statham and I would be friends in real life if he knew me. He just hasn’t met me yet. One of these days I will be walking down the cereal isle at the supermarket, and I will see Mr. Statham putting a box of Cracklin’ Oat Bran in his shopping cart. And I will be like, “Oh my god! It’s Jason Statham. And his favorite cereal is my favorite cereal.” And he will be like, “That makes us fuckin’ pals then,” in his accent. Then we would like so hang out.

5) Journal

If I were to be spending all my time hanging on the beach with Jason Statham, I would want to be able to write down all our adventures. With the kind of fast-paced life Jason Statham lives, we’d probably experience a ton of crazy adventures. Once we got off the island we would produce the adventures into movies. Not long after I would meet some amazing girl, because what girl doesn’t want to date Jason Statham’s best friend. Then Jason (we’d be on a first name basis by now) would deliver a speech as my best man at my wedding reception. Naturally it would be like the best speech ever because of his sick accent.

What would you bring? Post your five in the comments.

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